According to statistics from Fetlife, the largest BDSM community in social networks, submissive people are in much greater numbers than the domineering ones. If you are a Dominator, then you are lucky: your inclinations are in high demand!
If sexual domination is new to you and you feel it counterintuitively, you are not the only one. Many of us grew up believing that domination of any kind is equivalent to bastardry, especially in the bedroom.
As a real masochist, I could convince my partner that it would be perfect to cause me pain and that I would love to, I would actually thank him for that.
There are, however, many nuances in pleasant mental and sexual domination achievement.
This article talks about how could you approach domination safely, carefully and consensually, so that the submissive person can feel the stream of endorphins flooding his body during the BDSM play!
What you will need to dominate your partner:
- During the play, you can use any BDSM tools: ropes, paddles, blindfolds, nipple clamps, candles, Wartenberg wheel or anything else your partner might enjoy. Make sure these items are made specifically for BDSM play. Normal candles, for example, burn at high temperatures that can leave scars on the skin. Specialized shops nearby or online can offer candles that burn at safe temperatures for the temperature play.
- Safety equipment according to the activities you plan to do. For example, if you want to tie your partner with rope, you will need a pair of scissors with industrial strength in case of an emergency.
- Be a true Dominator by:
Understanding dominance in the context of real-life BDSM, not from novels or movies.
While entertainment media focuses on porn and erotic movies where everything seems very enjoyable, they can create confusion when we try to imitate them in our real relationships. 50 Shades of Grey is an example of BDSM made wrongly, despite its popularity.
Healthy BDSM depends on power exchange.
The word "exchange" implies enthusiastic consent, which means that the wishes and limits of both partners are equally important. The great Dominators always have in mind the benefit and well-being of their submissives.
Make sure that you approach domination especially with the desire to like your partner rather than out of selfish control or to highlight your ego. Without consent and a basis of benevolent intent, domination becomes abuse, and abuse is not acceptable.
Asking your submissive about her desires.
Fetishes are like fingerprints; Two people won't have the same fetishes. To please your submissive, you will want to find out to which your submissive responds best.
The term "BDSM" encompasses countless activities and dynamics. Maybe your partner wants emotional degradation, but not pain, or vice versa. This kind of information you will need to lead successful BDSM play scenes, so ask questions and listen carefully when your subject opens her soul and reveals to you her most hidden desires.
This conversation can bring excitement if you approach it with confidence.
An "I want you to tell me about your fantasies" while stroking your partner's hair, can take you both in wonderful world of excitement...
Understanding the psychology behind your submissive fetishes.
There are a number of common misunderstandings about the significance of fetishes in the BDSM sphere.
For example, non-practitioners often mistakenly regard obedience as weakness.
On the contrary, many submissive people have a decided attitude in their daily lives and enjoy obedience as a chance to hand over the reins of control to their trusted BDSM partner.
Moreover, it is often believed that masochists must hate themselves. In reality, many people who follow BDSM engage in masochism because of the effects of releasing mental pain and the state of euphoria it generates.
If any of the fetishes of your submissive has surprised you, you have many resources available, online in particular, to inform yourself correctly about them.
Guiding your partner through the negotiation process
Negotiation is a key element of BDSM best practices.
It is common among responsible practitioners to have a discussion before participating in any play to clarify preferences, limits, safety word systems and other considerations.
Worried that talking about BDSM before the play will ruin the magic? It certainly won't be like that.
On the contrary, talking about the details of the game can create exciting feelings of anticipation for both of us.
What is not sexy? Possible skin lesions as result of the play, loss of confidence, misunderstandings of whether a particular act was truly consensual.
Such problems are to be avoided, however it is still possible to appear.
Getting ready for the BDSM play session.
Here are some things you can do to prepare a play session:
- Make a general plan about how you want the BDSM scene to go on, based on what you know about your playing partner.
- Remember, fetishes are not about a particular act or object itself, but about the ideas associated with them.
I once got a message from a guy whose submissive was interested in puppy play. He said that after he walked her on a leash and made her drink from a dog bowl, he didn't know how to continue the scene.
My advice was simple: pretend you have a real puppy in the house! Play with the stick, punish her for inappropriate behavior, or just spend an hour watching a movie while you pet her... If the fantasy is solid, the scene could be fun without being too complicated to achieve.
The BDSM comes with a number of risks depending on the activities involved, so you need to look for safety techniques for every activity you want to do.
Bondage - can cause nerve damage when done incorrectly. Choking and other forms of breathing play can be life-threatening, even when performed by Dominators with years of experience.
In many cases, reading these details will not be enough, it is necessary to experiment, to acquire skills, to know about the possible risks for the health of the receiving person and to bypass them.
Large cities often have strong BDSM communities that offer courses and workshops on dominance techniques. If you are seriously interested in trying riskier forms of play, find a mentor who will teach you personally the correct execution of the bondage and of other kinds of edge play.
Give tasks to your submissives before the BDSM play scene.
For example, a Dominator's request to wear lace underwear at the play can cause excitement by wearing them on the way to the meeting, only because it was a Dominator's requirement.
Enjoying the play scene while monitoring your submissive.
Here are some tips to keep in mind while playing:
Warming up is always a good idea. It may take you and your submissive to enter the mental realm of fantasy. In addition, for pain-related activities such as spanking, it may take a few minutes for the body to begin to produce the flow of endorphins.
Until reaching the heavier levels of the play will not be as exciting or enjoyable. Start slowly and increase the intensity over time, don't rush.
The rush to quickly reach the maximum intensity of the play can cause psychological damage to your subject. An experienced dominant once said: "You can always move on. Rarely you can go back."
Subspace is a modified mood experienced by some subjects during the play.
It feels at the same intensity as the use of a drug. If your partner reaches subspace, it may be unable to communicate, use the safe word or even judge her own tolerance to pain.
If your submissive doesn't communicate clearly, it is your responsibility to judge whether it is safe to continue the scene. Trust your own instinct and stop the play if you think it is necessary.
Check your partner to make sure she is okay and having fun.
Many submissive people, especially beginners, are unaware of their own limits or are so eager to be dominated and to please their Masters that they will avoid using the safe word, even when necessary.
This can lead to trauma or other post-stage problems. Find a way to check how she feels, without spoiling the sexy mood of the game, either through the safe word system or simply through a whispered question, "Are you okay?"
End the scene by gradually bringing your partner to reality.
BDSM involves the release of an intense cocktail of hormones and neurotransmitters. The sudden end of a scene can be the chemical equivalent of removing the carpet from under the submissive feet and can lead to a terrible state, known as subdrop. It is a problem that is not exciting and you want to avoid.
Once you have completed the scene, proceed to aftercare.
Aftercare is, for many people, the best thing about BDSM.
It is the moment when you and your fetishistic partner can overwhelm each other with affection, even if kindness was completely absent during the play.
People do all sorts of things during BDSM aftercare, depending on their preferences and needs. Here are some ideas:
- Make passionate love.
- Spoil your submissive with blankets, water, food, or whatever she wants.
- Praise her and tell her you are proud of her stage efforts.
- Bring ice for any injuries or massage her body with a lotion suitable to treat bruises, if any.
- Take a bath or shower together, caressing each other.
Basically you will want to do what will help you and your submissive to have a comfortable transition period back to reality.
Ask, during and after the BDSM session, how your submissive feels.
The best Dominators always ask: "Is there something you didn't like about what I did?" Can you do this during the aftercare or later, but you will want to touch the deepest thoughts in communicating with your submissive, to find out what worked and what didn't during the play scene.
Use what you have learned about your submissives to plan more great experiences in the future!
If everything goes according to plan, your submisdive will ask you for new play sessions! Use your new knowledge to start thinking about how you will torture and tempt her during the next BDSM scenes...
Make sure your submissive knows she is valued.
You won't wish your partner with whom you have a BDSM experience to feel that she is only used and at your disposal, even if she has this fetish.
Tell your submissive that you appreciate and value the BDSM sessions you have done together.
Maybe you will say that domination requires a lot of work.
However, surely your efforts will not be in vain!
Positive BDSM experiences have proven to increase intimacy and bonding between partners. Many of those who successfully incorporate BDSM into their relationships never returned to vanilla life!
Get lucky to find the right partners and get happy BDSM games!