Speaking bravely, taking responsibility, remaining present and trusting your play partner, are attitudes that make BDSM relationships much better for all persons involved and more enjoyable.
Nowadays, as a result of the popularity of "Fifty Shades of Grey", many people talk about BDSM: what was once viewed by the vanilla world as a sickly perversion and is sometimes still cited as "unusual sexual fixation", BDSM is becoming more and more a common area.
Furthermore, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in May concludes that BDSM practitioners are mentally healthier than their vanilla equivalents. The study showed, among other things, that those who practiced BDSM had "feelings of attachment and safety in their relationships".
Surprise? For me not, I believe with an open heart that it is real and a good lesson to follow.
My own advocate
A debutante in BDSM, may be hesitant in using the safeword: to avoid conflicts, not to interrupt the session, to be docile and obedient, to avoid talking not to disturb. She might get used to waiting for other BDSM session participants to realize her needs, which almost never works! The result can be to feel the frustration, as if others forget about her needs.
Taking such a trend into a BDSM session may be rather unpleasant and ultimately even dangerous. There is something better to do for her and for her playing partner.
The BDSM taught me to be totally honest, open and to express my needs out loud: it is much better for all parties involved.
I love how it sounds to be submissive! As someone who was always worked in places where I have had to tell people what to do, letting someone else make decisions about me, is very appealing to me.
At first, I waited a long time for the playing partner to imagine what he needed to do for myself. I imagined that if he didn't say anything about his needs and seemed to feel good, so will he be able to do what I needed without saying anything. Do you all realize how well this worked...
The BDSM teaches that it is not entirely the task of the Dominator to do all the hard work. The submissive has his or her own responsibilities.
Live in the present!
In a BDSM play session, as in a simple discussion in the kitchen, you have to be totally there, with your soul and mind: that is what it means to have a relationship.
I never totally trusted other people when it came to taking care of my body. When I started participating in BDSM sessions, I was unable to completely give up control until my partner understood and pointed out that it would not hurt me and that if I used the safeword, he would stop.
Even though we had discussed before what we were going to do, had established a safeword, I was still defending myself, instinctively. Once I realized that and let my guard down for a little bit, the experience became much richer. And I have learned that I only have to participate in sessions with people I trusted.
The BDSM teaches us that trusting your playing partner is necessary to have a successful experience that will bring satisfaction to both partners. It applies both in and out of the bedroom.
Sex as therapy?
Let's recap what we learned by practicing BDSM:
- When you are steadfast in your personal needs during BDSM sessions, everyone involved will have a much more enjoyable experience;
- It is not only the task of the Dominator to do the hardest, the submissive has his/her own responsibility;
- It is important to always be present and aware during play sessions, to be an equal participation, to have a balanced relationship;
- Trusting your BDSM playing partner(s) is important to have a special experience that brings full satisfaction to all involved.
We note above that it is not only a list of issues that make BDSM successful, but it is a list that leads to successful relationships, which bring a lot of pleasure and satisfaction.
I don't know if I would advise anyone who has problems in their relationship to buy a paddle and some ropes for bondage. In fact, it is everyone's decision how to discover themselves and bring in their relationship their best form, but BDSM can make a person a much better partner, both in and outside the bedroom.