Aftercare needed after a BDSM play is a very important part of any BDSM scene and each participant requires a somewhat different kind of aftercare and different as expansion. But what can you do if your Dom/Dominatrix is not there with you to provide the care after the BDSM session you need?
We all also live outside the BDSM, and many of us don't live with the people we play with. As much as a Top will want to ensure that its BDSM playing partner is happy and healthy, he/her cannot be there all the time. So what can you do to take care of yourself when your partner is not available?
Take care of your physique
Check your wounds, clean them and treat them as needed, although it may be harder if the impact areas were on the back of the body. If you cannot get to them, you will have to wait for someone you trust (your partner, Dominator/Dominatrix, or a kinky friend) to help you. However, most marks will not need more than a wash and maybe an application of antiseptic, something that any submissive can do for himself/herself.
Masochists might enjoy touching, poking, the marks they have got on their skin during the BDSM session, but make sure you do not do that too much, especially if you have bled during your BDSM scene and got wounds that might reopen. Make sure you do not cause more injuries, pay attention at what hurts and avoid any strokes or movements that could worsen the condition of your acquired injuries. Pain is fun only when it comes along with pleasure!
Be gentle with yourself
Even the most ardent masochist can feel, from time to time, overwhelmed by the pain (physical, but especially mental) from the marks received during a BDSM session. To minimize this probability, think before your BDSM scene takes place about what kind of aftercare you might need. If you are going to participate in the hard impact play, for example, do not make plans for a long hike the next day. Give your body time to heal because it is essential for your recovery.
You also need to think about your mental needs. After an intense scene, you may need some extra care to combat or avoid the subdrop (the depressive state that sometimes sets in after the endorphin storm ends during an intense BDSM play session). Make sure to treat yourself, to have good, high-protein foods that will help you heal, and you could give yourself time to sit and watch a movie or a few episodes of your favorite show.
Everyone has different needs, it is vital to give you what you know you want and need. Some people might need to be surrounded by other people. If your partner cannot be around, you may need to plan to visit your family or friends so you have the support you need. Other submissives might want peace and quiet, so time spent at home would be best.
Communication is the key
The Master/slave dynamic must be based on trust and trust is built on communication. So even if your Dominator cannot be physically with you, he can keep in touch on a different way: through a phone call, video, e-mail... In this way, all the participants in the BDSM will know how the others feel, so that any crisis can be avoided or dealt with quickly. It will relieve everyone involved from worrying about it.
A submissive person may need to process emotions following a BDSM scene: it counts as aftercare, because it is a way to keep you emotionally happy. You can do this by writing down what happened during the BDSM session. It could be a step by step summary, a poem or just a list – this is your BDSM aftercare, so you get what you need. Do not worry about punctuation and grammar; spelling doesn't matter either. Just writing how you feel, on paper or typed on a screen, can really make the difference!
If you don't like to write, take some time to remember what happened. You can assess what you might keep the same in the future and what you should change. A long and warm bath or shower, a walk or even a dishwasher or laundry, could give you the time to digest what happened during the BDSM scene.
It is easy for a submissive person to feel like she needs her Dominator to take care of her all the time, but you can use this guide to independently give yourself the BDSM aftercare when you need it.
Add self-aftercare to your routine after the BDSM scenes, and you will see that you can enjoy it, knowing that you can combat and relieve the symptoms of subdrop.