Find where you fit - or get some ideas to develop a style that is all your own.
The goal of this article is to inspire those who like to give instead of receive, some new BDSM play ideas - or maybe just discover where they might fit into the whole domination spectrum.
Keys to be a good Dominant
Consider this article as just a sampling of some of the types of Dominants that are out there in the wide world of BDSM.
You might be one of these, a combination of two or more, or even totally unique type of Top. Really, it is up to you and what you want to get out of the experience. Maybe you want to be a really 24/7 owner of a human property, or someone who likes to growl and release their inner feral during intense sex. Or, maybe you are a playfully taskmaster or mistress. It is all up to you.
What is essential is that you follow the exact same principles that are essential to the BDSM community: to safety of (emotionally as well as physically), sanely (with a clear mind), and consensually (without coercion).
Running through all three of these precepts is the importance of communication. This means that no matter the structure and style of your play, your bottom can express their concerns, their joys and their desire to pause or stop the action at any time.
This goes both ways, of course. Just because you might be the bad-ass Dom does not mean that you should ever hesitate to take a break or end a session, if necessary. No matter how deep you get into your top persona, it should never interfering with communication.
It all leads to respect: both for yourself as well as the people you play with. A common mistake bad tops make is thinking that they should never make a mistake - or admit to having made one. A good Top, on the other hand, will not just check in a lot with their playmates, but also freely admit that things are not working out ... and even apologize.
As the old saying goes: mistakes happen, but what happens afterward is what is really important.
Another thing to keep in mind is that, as with submissives, being a Dominant can often be a process. You might have a really old fantasy, one that really gets you off, but when you try and make it a reality, it just does not work. There i0s nothing wrong in this. In fact, it is all part of the process.
A lot of great tops did not just appear on the scene. Rather, they tried this or that, hated this, loved that, and slowly but surely put together a style of topping that worked for their needs as well as the people they play with.
As the other old saying goes: it is not the destination that is important, it is the journey.
With that out of the way, here is a playful look at just a few types of dominants that you might be or that you might encounter. Again, this is not set in stone. It is a range of unique play styles. Who knows, you might find inspiration in them for creating your own style of BDSM domination.
The Pure Sadist
The Pure Sadist is just that: someone who does not necessarily find pleasure in the emotional domination of another person; they are into delivering intense sensations. They do not want, or need, a title or protocols for behavior, just a warm bottom (quite literally sometimes) to have fun with.
The Leather Classic
Here is someone for whom being a Dom is not just a fun thing now and again but is about being part of the deep culture of BDSM rites and rituals. These are the kinds of Tops that know every code, the history of the leather community, and sometimes have even won the sashes and honors to prove it.
Becoming a bottom to this kind of top can often involve not just physical play, but knowing the codes of behavior and respecting How Things Should Be Done. Because of this, it is also common for these Dominants, and the people they play with, to not just enter into play but to enter into the leather community as a whole.
Here is a Top that finds pleasure in not just inflicting intense sensations on a bottom, but also becoming a positive force in their lives. They might take on the role of a teacher, showing what it can be like to be a bottom or a Top. It can even extend to things like guiding a submissive in exercising, eating well, and managing their spending and income.
The Mentor is also usually very interested into their submissives. They need to know not just their play style and desires, but who they are as people and how The Mentor can help them live to their fullest potential. Consensually, of course.
A form of The Mentor can also appear in age-play scenes in the form of a parental figure: a Top that spanks, changes diapers, or otherwise babysits their charges.
The Royal is of a Top who is cool, elegant, controlled - and often wonderfully as well as terrifyingly intense.
On the opposite side of the spectrum is a Top that is all about (on the surface, that is) losing control. The feral Tops might be regular people when they are walking the streets, but with a crop in their hands they turn into howling beasts: ferocious and very hungry...
Yet, this is not about dropping safety, security, or respect for the people they are playing with. Rather, their style is to slip off their own chains, but never so much that they could not be snapped back to reality when they - or their bottom - needs it.
Finally, we have the Dominant that wants it all. They might encompass every type on this list plus much more. For them, being a Top is not a casual thing. It is complete and total ownership of another human being.
This might involve living with their property or not. It could include everything from orgasm control to supervising their diet and exercise. While a common fantasy, the reality is that this involves a lot of work and a lot of communication. Putting it simply: it is not for everyone.
Always Be Your Own Type of Dominant
As with the article about types of submissives, do not look at this list and think “I cannot be a good Top because I am not represented here,” but rather view it as an inspiration to create your own type of domination.
Maybe it will be a touch of Mentor plus a part of Royal with a dash of Leather Classic? Whatever form your topping takes, keep the lines of communication open, respect yourself as well as those you play with, and never forget that accidents will always happen. Always act with kindness and courtesy.
Do all of this and, before you know it, you will discover your own special brand of dominantion and open the door to a wide, and really hot, world of intense BDSM living.