The gags involve vulnerability, trust and liberation.
"Let's look at a woman wearing a bright red ball gag fixed deep in her mouth and as red as the lipstick that frames it. Two leather straps seem to split her face in half, holding the gag in place.The gag is big, barely grasping it with her teeth. Saliva slips down, both sides of the mouth, joins into the chin and drips onto the floor."This is the kind of dramatic show we imagine when we think of gags.
This kind of image is fueled by pornographic films, of course, and it is hard to escape it.
But the reality is so different from the fantasy! The gags have their place in fetish exploration,especially if you are interested in the D/s dynamics.
A first experience with a gag may be with a home-made one: a leather shoelace passed through the holes of a golf ball. It won't stifle the sound too much, but it will make it difficult to pronounce the words, and the holes will let saliva pass through them, which can be really very humiliating. As the ball is small, it won't force the jaw open as wide as those seen online.
Sure, you can use gags for the visual impact. It is pretty striking. But for me, it is not about how attractive or shocking it is going to make me: it is about the vulnerability it offers.
When your partner puts a gag on you, it means, "I'm making you stop talking!" Being unable to speak is sometimes a blessing: you can let your instinctual, primitive and more intense reaction stake over. (Of course, whenever you wear a gag during a play, you must have a safe sign/gesture;for example: your partner gives you the keys to throw them away if you need to stop.)
When you cannot talk, sometimes you give up your need to vocalize and analyze your experience and you can simply feel it. To free your inner self is what extraordinary sex is about. A lot of people need a procedure, like wearing a gag, to achieve that.
When your partner makes you wearing a gag, it also means "Trust me." Agreeing to wear it means "I trust you won't hurt me". Since you cannot talk, you need to trust your partner to understand how you feel by the way you move and react. You need to trust your partner to make decisions for you based on his knowledge of your desires and needs, rather than on direct feedback.
When your partner makes you wear a gag, it means "You are stronger than you think." People who like humility, they like it because it shows that they are strong, that they can resist being minimized, humiliated and then stand up. Humility can be a role, not who they really are. It
shows them how resilient they are to the hardness of the world; convinces them that they are stronger than they thought.
Wearing a gag is not just for BDSM hardcore practitioners and shouldn't be intimidating. A small one works as well as a big one; in fact, smaller gags can be worn more, with less jaw strain and pain. Choose a smaller, softer gag; hard plastic is harder to bear for the jaw and teeth. Silicone ball gags are smooth, soft, safe for the body and do not carry bacteria if you clean them thoroughly after each use.
If done correctly, wearing a gag should be fun. It should be part of a successful scene that brings you and your partner pleasure. Some people cannot wear gags, and it is okay; others, like me, love the powerlessness and trust it implies.
Plus, when it comes to your BDSM-style sex life, be willing to be curious. Gags are a safe,simple way to experience the thrill of obedience!