For some people, there is no better way to prove their affection than with a moderate to severe spanking - with the bare hand, a belt, a flogger or whip, or with any other implement. Even some vanilla couples admit to enjoy occasional spanking sessions - while at the opposite end of the spectrum, there are whole subgroups that do nothing but touch each other with different leather instruments...
Wherever you fit into this spectrum, if you are wondering how to apply to yourself or on your submissive the wanted spanking without any harming, here is the beginner's guide to enjoyable beatings.
What is the dynamic: why are you doing this?
The obvious answer to that question is because it is fun, but under control, of course. When it comes to administering a loving beating to your partner, you can maximize pleasure by thinking about what you are doing it for.
If it is, for example, a punishment – which, therefore, should hurt and over which your submissive cannot have control? Or is it foreplay, and thus somewhat easier and with the pleasure that will follow in mind? Is it something designed just to stand you out as a sadist? Is it sexual? Are you playing a part? Solve these issues before you start, and you will have a much better scene.
Spanking implements and warming up
Some utensils can be whip-type, some wide, some heavy, some uncomfortable. It is a wide variety of tools that can be used for spanking. Choose from what you have at your disposal. Bare hands or leather-belts are good choices for the first time, at hand too.
Depending on the degree of masochism of your partner, you can start with a spanking to warm up before moving on to heavier procedures. This means starting with your bare hand or with a wider and moderate implement, making your way for spanking with heavier instruments.
Starting slowly, you will give your submissive the chance to get used to being hit and to start producing happiness hormones, which will help him or her to process and enjoy the pain. If you intend it to be a punishment, you can skip the warm-up or shorten it, and act with something painful from the start - although it is good to keep in mind that warming up might allow your partner to take a more intense punishment than they might otherwise bear.
Places on the body where spanking can be applied without risk
The safest place to hit your partner is on their buttocks: preferably somewhere between the meatiest part of the buttocks and the line between the buttocks and the thighs. Do not hit your partner in the kidney and spine area!
Other areas to avoid when spanking include joints or any skin surface where the bones are close to the surface of the skin. The spine, neck and any soft areas covering the internal organs are also to be avoided. Basically, if you are a beginner in spanking, limit your spanks to the buttocks, upper back on either side of the spine and thighs (see: Fig. Recommended places for applying spanking). Once you become more experienced, you can expand to the soles of the feet and breasts. Some people feel pleasure being struck on the sexual organs area, but ask first, make sure you have the consensus for that.
How intense and how long?
With a new partner it can often take some time to figure out how hard he or she likes to be hit. Some people like to be beaten until they cannot sit down without a sigh. Others like to be touched only gently and tenderly. If you have any doubts about what needs your submissive, just ask.
You can also communicate with your partner to tell how he or she feels while spanking him/her. Tell him/her to count the blows he or she have received - the tone of their voice should tell you something about how close he or she is to the limit of pain acceptance. If the sounds are "like finding a mouse in the grain", consider reducing the intensity a little. Alternatively, use a nought-to-ten scale. Have the partner assess the severity of each stroke received and adjust the intensity as appropriate.
Obviously, your partner should have a way to stop the spanking play if necessary. You have probably already thought of a safeword, a safety gesture or other ways to stop the play if you need to. This guide is at your fingertips if you have not done that yet.
Positions and restrictions
There is an obvious advantage of using bondage during a spanking - this prevents your partner from moving, and thus it prevents you from missing the target of the blows. Also, a pair of judiciously applied handcuffs will prevent the receiving person from making a very natural move for someone who is hit over the ass, which is to cover the hit area with the hands, to defend from the blows, which is totally inappropriate, because a shot accidentally ended up on the hands, would hurt a lot more.
The position taken by a person while receiving a spanking can make the difference in the severity of it. If your partner is on all fours, the skin on the buttocks will be more stretched than if he or she is lying on their belly, so the blows will be stingier. Basically, "over-the-knee” (OTK) spankings (applied to the submissive bent over your knees) are much less severe than those delivered to your partner bent from the waist and catching their ankles.
How to deliver a safe spanking? With more or less in the BDSM toolbox, for many people a good spanking involves more than just unloading the bag... Experience; try different tools and different positions; try the restrictions and the gags. Let your partner feel the texture of a particular implement before hitting him or her with it. And many more. People like to be beaten in as many different ways as they like to have sex in as many different ways as possible, which is good.
Solving problems that might occur
It is not unusual for things to get a little out of control during a prolonged spanking. Here are some of the most common problems. Do not be scared of them, but keep them in mind with your plan of action in case they occur.
Some spanking tools – canes and whips in particular – can break the skin. Maybe that is what you want. Good for you. If you prefer to avoid this eventuality, make sure you have chosen the tools correctly. As a spanker, be precise and patient, and do not try to break the hitting record on your partner's skin! Cuts and scratches can be treated during aftercare. Clean, disinfect and use sterile patches if necessary.
Missing the mark
It is pretty easy to miss the target of spanking, especially with thin instruments like sticks. Long whips tend to wrap around the receiving person, with the excess length reaching a place you have no intention of hitting. Limit the blows to the fleshy parts of your partner’s buttocks to minimize the chance of causing any injury and start gradually until you get to heavier blows, to accustom and improve their accuracy.
Intense and extensive bruises look great in photos, but they can cause problems sometimes. If you are a beginner in spanking, do not set your goal to hardly bruise your partner! Reduce the intensity a little when the skin begins to change color.
Keeping implements clean
Some instruments are porous – bamboo sticks or leather floggers, for example. If there will be drown blood (even a small amount) it will seep into the instrument material, thus appearing the danger of infection if used by another person. Clean non-porous toys and keep porous tools for individual use only. Love is also having your personal cane, after all.