Within power exchange relationships, the protocol can make any boring daily chore to be exciting, pleasant and building the relationship.
Do you want to spice up your sex life with a relationship of dominance and obedience? Or maybe you have a power transfer relationship that you want to amplify? Maybe you think it is very sexy when your partner orders you to do something in that mature, serious voice that he usually use to say sweet things in your ear?
Protocol is a fantastic way to experiment power play. Read on to learn about some philosophies of power dynamics, tasks, rules and rituals, to create protocols that resonate with you.
But before we start...
When talking about power play, it is about two people who meet, with mutual respect and care, who consciously decide that one of them will be responsible and the other will follow. Both roles are important and each depends on the other. Not always the dominant part, or Top, takes power, and it is the submissive part, or bottom, that cedes power. There are many people who have experienced great power as a bottom. The power play is like dance in the ballroom: both partners are essential and each has different roles. Neither is superior to the other.
Before starting a power dynamics relationship, it is important to consider how do you view D/s roles: is it a more appealing role for you? Do you think the sex and race of partners somehow affect power dynamics? What about the economic status? In fact, what kind of power do you detain?
The power dynamics are all around us and often play an important role in our intimate, cultural and social interactions, even if we don't always realize it. One of the reasons you love the power play so much is because it brings these systems into consciousness and gives us a whole new realm of living.
The power dynamics can encompass very diverse aspects, such as sensation play, bondage, written contracts, fetishist and leather communities, 24/7 property relationships. Protocols can be an important aspect of many of these components.
Tasks, rules and rituals
"Protocol" is more than "rule," something more complex; protocols are about how to perform certain tasks. They can be ongoing tasks - specific things that need to be done in precise ways - or they can be instructions on how the submissive person addresses her Dominator, such as using the titles of Sir, My Lady, Master, my Quinn... They can also be rituals: a certain way to prepare morning coffee, precise instructions for how to greet or tasks to be completed before bedtime, every evening.
Many of us already have dozens of protocols in our lives for ourselves and for those around us. We have sometimes strange, often unspoken rules, some about fashion (what colors do not go with others, what shoes to wear with which suit…), food (such as the same drink at a particular dish), or about the household (who makes food, who vacuums, who takes out the garbage...).
Both dominating and submissives persons may receive protocols to follow, although protocols attributed to dominant persons are much less articulated. Most often, the protocols refer to the tasks that submissive persons perform to serve the well-being and interest of their Dominants and their relationship together.
Why would you need rituals?
Because they can make things mundane, boring, - very exciting; because they are fun: because they make your life work better.
If the protocols seem like a lot of work, it is because they are. Keeping up with them can take a lot of dedication. But if the idea of having your behavior controlled (or controlling someone else's behavior) is appealing to you, playing with protocols in power dynamics can be a wonderfully structured way to expand the degree of control. And after you do the work of integrating protocols into your life, the benefits can be great!
Protocols may also be temporary. They can be something you set for the next two hours, days or weeks. When you are tired of them, you can take them out or change them. You don't have to commit to executing them forever, and in fact, it is not advisable to do that either. Try them, play with them to see what excites you and follow the pleasure you have discovered!
Let's define a few protocols:
Tip No.1: When negotiating protocols, equality is essential.
If you have an existing power dynamics in the relationship, you may want to suspend it while negotiating protocols. It is not just the Dominator's responsibility to create the protocols. Often, the submissive has very good insights into the dynamics of the relationship as well.
Tip No.2: Protocols should serve both partners and the power dynamics in their relationship.
In Discipline, it is said that all protocols should:
- Make you feel closer to your partner;
- Help you build the dynamics that both agree with and as you want;
- To ensure that the condition of both partners is improved.
Before implementing protocols, ask yourself if these three objectives will be met.
Tip No.3: Set up a trial period for your protocols.
When you enter a new rule, you set a specific amount of time to test it. After the test week, day or time, evaluate how the use of that protocol felt. Has the protocol been implemented? Has the protocol been completed? Did you like it? Did it make you feel sexy, excited? Or was it a hindrance? Were you happy when it was over? You wanted to continue? Be careful as it unfolds. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, and the protocols should ultimately be agreeable, fun.
Tip No.4: Don't take over other people's protocols as such - use the ones that are good for you.
You can create rules in any area of your life that you and your partner feel right. Some relationships might consider the job and occupation of the subject person to be outside the limits of protocols, while in other relationships, they may have strict rules about the job (don't be late; always come home directly after work; make sure you eat a good lunch on your work break, etc.). Or maybe you have established protocols for your partner's body and appearance, but not about what you do with your day time.
There is no right or wrong way to use protocols. All that matters is what works or doesn't work for you and for your relationship.
Tip No.5: Protocols can make both sex and ordinary chores much more exciting.
You can certainly create protocols in your lives in the bedroom only. But you can also create some rules in your household that transform current pragmatic activities into ways to serve and develop the power dynamics of your relationship.
Here are some examples:
Rules for self-improvement:
- Set bedtime and/or morning alarm;
- Restrict the indulgence activities you want to avoid;
- Add something to your care routine;
- Make three pieces of art this week;
- Work your body through exercise twice a week;
- Kneel and meditate every morning for 15 minutes;
- Stop swearing;
- Write in the Dominant/submissive power exchange notebook, each night before bedtime.
Rules to make pragmatic things exciting:
- Every day, serve your Dominator diner wearing the sexiest clothes you have;
- Wash dishes before bedtime each night, wearing only a but plug;
- Make the bed every morning without wearing any clothes;
- Order or cook Dominator's favorite dinner at least one evening a week;
- Find out and fulfill accordingly, your Dominator's preferences for washing underwear;
- Clean and organize sex toys and BDSM implements;
- Do your chores while wearing nipple clamps;
- Make a dessert wearing only an apron...
Rules that are sexy by their very way:
- Reach orgasm daily for a week;
- Climax every day for a week;
- Restrict orgasm for one week;
- Practice oral sex every day;
- Send your Dominator an exciting message every day at 16:00;
- Provide your Dominator with sexual services every night;
- Kiss your Dominator every time you meet and also when leaving to go on business.
Tip 6: Use protocols to improve your relationship.
Build protocols about what's bothering you or about what you want to change in your relationship.
If, for example, the Dominant often gets stuck with the car fuel tank empty and does not have time to fill it, maybe a good protocol for the submissive would be to make sure to always have a full tank. If a sink full of dirty dishes is not what you wish to admire, it would be useful that the submissive wash the dishes regularly every evening.
But when a protocol is not fulfilled as it should be?
Responses may vary from the opportunity to resume that activity to specific punishments.
Protocols can be a fantastic way to implement power dynamics outside the bedroom every day. They can bring partners closer to each other and enhance the intimacy between them. It may take some time, energy and self-reflection to figure out what works for you individually and what works for the relationship as a whole, but the possibilities of play, power and connection are so vast.
Approach each other with respect and open communication and get ready to take advantage of the benefits of your power play!