The frenzy of the submissive in a BDSM relationship comes down to emotion, but it can create problems because some are blinded by the novelty of the situation and are not acting as they normally would.
The first time you obey someone - in real life or online – it is intoxicating. Between the dopamine and endorphins your brain releases, any sexual pleasure you experience and the fulfillment of all your BDSM fantasies, this moment, when you feel good, can be addictive. Unfortunately, as with any of our cravings, to preserve what you enjoy, you happen to overlook the signals that indicate problems and possible abuse of your partner. In BDSM, this risk is known as "submissive frenzy", which means that the person is so eager and frantic to surrender that any common sense disappears and the submissive person could do things he or she would not otherwise do.
Here are some decisions or actions that the submissives might make and keep them in unhealthy or even unsafe relationships:
Staying with a person who is lying
Trust cannot be built when your partner is lying: you do not know anymore when he is lying and when he is telling the truth. Contrary to a common myth, that the Masters can do whatever they want - lying is not included: as in any other relationship, half-truths, lies and manipulative behavior do not lead to anything good in the relationship. The submissive person cannot consent fully unless she or he is sure the partner is telling the truth. You can and should expect honesty from your partner and offer it yourself. Not all Masters lie. Yes, you can get out of that relationship if it is not good for you and find someone else who is honest and trustworthy.
Your partner does and says things that make you feel bad
The fetish of humiliation is real. But beware of the partner who thinks that making you feeling bad is part of the submission or that he is a better master if he manifests cruelty!
If you agree, both of you, to this kind of humiliation game, have fun and give each other the orgasms of your dreams! However, outside the consensual game, saying or doing demeaning things affects your mental and emotional health and is, at best, at borderline to abuse. In many cases, it is even totally abusive.
Most D/s relationships grow by building each other and helping each other become your best!
Ignore warning signs and bad behavior towards you
Many beginners in BDSM accept from their masters, behaviors that they would not accept in a vanilla relationship in any way. They tell themselves that BDSM is different, much tougher and that it should be as such. No, it does not have to be like this! Ignoring desires, breaching trust, lack of communication or disregarding consent - the master considering that consent does not matter - are just some of the most important signals of an abusive relationship, not a healthy BDSM one! Staying in this relationship does not make you more submissive or your partner more dominant. It can cause real, long-lasting damage to you!
You ignore your instincts
When discussing bad relationships and questionable behaviors, many subjected people invariably say that although they did not feel good in the BDSM relationships they were in, they thought that this is how a D/s relationship works. Your intuition is almost never wrong! It is the voice hidden in your heart, in your stomach or in your head (function of your views on intuition) that shouts: "Danger! Get out now!" or, when things are good, it says to you: "Yes, I feel good!" Whatever kind of relationship you have, vanilla or BDSM should make you feel good. When something is wrong, listen to your inner voice! It knows what it is saying...
You think you are never going to get to obey again, if you leave...
This is a false belief made for a number of reasons: real or perceived insufficiency of BDSM partners, the lies that a bad partner tells you, or your own level of self-esteem and confidence. Maybe they are all combined. Too many submissives (and other people) are in bad relationships because they think they will be alone forever if they leave. When you have waited a long time to submit to a partner, getting out of the relationship can make you feel like you are giving up your BDSM dream. In reality, even if you are alone for a while, you have to say, "I deserve more and I am worth more."
The dominance of your dreams probably will not fall on your lap. You might be attracted to someone who does not seem to be a lifestyle follower, just to find out he is the most perverse being you have ever met! It is possible to meet someone in the vanilla world who never thought of BDSM until you talk to them about this lifestyle. Or you can go to a local munch and immediately submit to a Master found there.
There is no way to predict when you can meet your perfect partner. But one thing is absolutely
certain: staying in a toxic, abusive or bad relationship means you will never do it!